“I have felt like who I was was not as important as my disability” Micah on self identity while being disabled.

As a trans man with both a disability and a chronic illness, Micah has wanted to give people perspective of what it was like to feel so restricted from their own identity.

 “For some people like me, we will never be able to get surgeries or hormones due to our health issues,” Micah said, “And I don’t think people understand that it is a problem.” 

Micah’s disability was misunderstood by the people around him. They simply could not understand what it was like to have the disability he did and came to alternate conclusions about Micah’s real situation. These views of others around him caused Micah to stifle his own idea of who he was apart from his visual impairment.

“I’ve always been known at school as ‘the fake blind girl’” Micah said, “My main disability is my lack of sight, and because I still have some sight left, I can read, which causes people to think I’m actually not blind”. 

He had come to feel as if his disability was more important than himself, and he would believe “my disability was what controlled my life”. These thoughts made him feel like he couldn’t be the person he wanted. He felt defined by the notion of being disabled. “I have felt like who I was was not as important as my disability… I used to think my disability was what controlled my life.” 

Micah has since looked for help to limit how much his disability affects him and his life.

“I’ve been in therapy for about 4 years and learned to accept my disability”, Micah recounts.

Though, even after accepting his disability, he was still struggling with his identity and wasn’t sure about who he was as a person. 

“I realized that I was still struggling with who I was despite accepting my disability,” Micah said, “I started to research what was causing my heavy discomfort with my body and realized that I was having body dysphoria.” 

After learning of his own body dysphoria, Micah has taken steps to feel more comfortable in his physical body.

“Personally, I bind my chest 5 days a week (unless I am in pain that day) and wear more masculine outfits,” Micah said, “Having just turned 18, my friend is cutting my hair off to help my dysphoria”. 

For him, these things have helped Micah feel much more comfortable.

 “That has helped me feel accepted, but I have also felt more happy in myself”. 

Micah is aware he is not the only person facing dysphoria and struggling with thoughts of personal identity, though he offers his own experiences for others to consider.

“I understand some people cannot bind,” Micah said, “And to that, I seriously suggest journaling about who you want to be and ways you can get there in the future.” He mentions how important these affirming actions are to accepting personal identity and making that image a reality.

You never know what someone is going through and what may be stopping them from being stereotypically masculine or feminine.” Micah notes, “We should not be defined by what we appear to be, but who we actually are.”